Fucking an underwear

All my life, I have settled for merely acceptable underwear: underwear that would hopefully get me through the day with a minimum of embarrassment and discomfort. I started with tighty-whities as child, and then moved over to boxers as a teen—billowy, starchy things that probably could have passed as swim trunks back in the Roaring Twenties. Since then, I have meekly tried to evolve with the greater underwear industry as a whole, dabbling in fabrics that wick away sweat yes please, wick ALL the sweat away and experimenting with the now standard boxer brief. And yet I remain unsatisfied.

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It is important to wear comfortable, proper underpants when going to a day-long cross-city festival. Here is my totally objective, percent scientifically certified power rankings of underpants to wear at SXSW. I am not going to stand here and say that I have never worn this pair of underpants. Sometimes you run out of options and think you can tough it out with a horrible sheet of nylon dangling against your crotch.